The 3 Components of Social Skills That Every Woman Should Know

These days, the term “social anxiety” is bandied about a fair amount, and this can take a number of forms. In this article, we’re looking at some of the ways in which a woman may feel uncomfortable or at a disadvantage in company - and how to overcome this using the three components that lie at the heart of social skills development.

The Sticky Problem Of Labels

We're increasingly keen on putting labels on things, including feelings, which includes social anxiety. But what does it actually mean? Well, it's essentially an umbrella term for feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed during social and / or business situations, and symptoms can range from mild unease to more severe panic attacks. Women in particular, often brought up to be "nice", will often feel out of their depth when socializing and some of the reasons for this include:

• “I feel out of my depth during intellectual conversations on topics I know nothing about”
• “I don’t think I’m interesting or funny enough”
• “I feel like I’m constantly being interrupted or disregarded”
• “I’m intimidated by the confidence of those around me”
• “I haven’t had the same experiences or upbringing as those around me”

If any of this sounds familiar, you’ll know just how much these thoughts can hold you back and stop you from getting the most out of your work or social life.

Can We Fix Our Social Skills? Yes We Can!

A social skills definition is the ability to communicate well with other people in a society and have good relationships with them.  From this, you can see that (as with many other aspects of our lives) social skills can be learned and, of course, honed.

In this ZandaX article, we’re going to look at the three components of social skills development - and how to improve them.

The 3 Components of Social Skills Development

Social skills aren't mysterious; they break down into three teachable elements. We begin learning social skills pretty much from the day we’re born and these can be broken down into three separate components as follows:

Social comprehension skills

The most basic - but most important social skill centers around communication. Social comprehension skills allow us to interpret social cues such as speech and body language in order to understand a particular situation. This also involves listening to what is being said and responding and asking pertinent questions.

Social behavior skills

This one is all about how you react to the social cues that we’ve mentioned above and speaks to our “emotional intelligence”. Our social behavior skills allow us to empathize with others and to make connections with people through shared experiences or feelings.

Confidence skills

Now this, of course, is the tricky one. It's one thing to know - intellectually and emotionally - what’s expected of you in a social setting but another thing entirely to feel confident in following through. Confidence skills are all about having the courage and assertiveness to contribute to a conversation or situation without feeling awkward or overwhelmed or allowing yourself to be interrupted or dismissed.

The Three Social Skills That Actually Make the Difference

Social confidence isn't one big thing you either have or you don't - it's built from three distinct skills, each of which you can develop independently.

Communication is the starting point, and it goes well beyond knowing what to say. It includes how you listen, how you ask questions, and how clearly you express yourself. Good communicators make people feel heard, and that's a skill, not a personality trait.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to read a room — to sense what someone else is feeling and adjust your response accordingly. It's what separates someone who connects easily with others from someone who technically says the right things but still leaves people cold. The good news is that this, too, can be learned and strengthened with practice.

Assertiveness is perhaps the most misunderstood of the three. It isn't about being forceful or dominant — it's about expressing your thoughts and needs clearly, calmly, and without apology. For many people, especially those who've been conditioned to stay quiet or defer to others, this is the skill that takes the most work. But it's also the one that changes things fastest.

None of these come naturally to everyone, which is the whole point. They're learnable. Practise one at a time and the others tend to follow.

Bringing The Wallflower Into Bloom

When you feel awkward or uncomfortable in a social setting it can be easy to think “that’s just the way I am” or “it’s too late to change things now” - but it really doesn’t have to be that way; and your first task is to stop thinking of yourself in those negative terms (easier said than done, we know!) There are a few ways in which you can add definition and change the way you deal with social situations and these include:

• Taking an interest - a good tip for improving your social skills is to treat everybody you speak to at an event as a total stranger - even when they’re not. This means actively listening to what they’re saying and then asking questions (even when you have a good idea of what the answer may be). For most people, their favorite topic is themselves and so asking questions will create an instant connection.
• Practice empathy - When in conversation concentrate not just on the words that are being spoken but the emotion behind them as this will trigger a sense of empathy in your responses and questions.
• Body talk - Video yourself having an imaginary conversation with somebody and then play it back to examine your body language. Crossed arms, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact are just some of the negative types of body language which may be sabotaging your social life.
• Practice makes perfect - The best way to improve your social skills at scary gatherings is to say yes to everything (however much you may not want to) as this will help you to become more accustomed to these settings and therefore improve your skills.

On Course For Social Confidence

While the above are really helpful exercises that you can conduct for yourself, many people feel that they benefit from a little extra help. Our social skills course takes you by the hand and leads you through the steps needed to improve your social skills and confidence in different settings and situations. Even better, you can complete the course in the comfort of your own home - and at your own pace - so you don’t have to worry about outside influences.
It's an easy (and very affordable) way of improving skills like:

• Conversation
• Monitoring your body language
• Empathy
• Confidence / assertiveness

You can start the course any time you like and work at your own pace via your downloaded workbook with no equipment or apps needed apart from your usual device such as a cellphone or laptop.

Be Yourself - Only Better

When we see someone who appears extremely socially confident we often believe they are simply born that way - but this is often far from the case. In many instances, these social butterflies have invested in their social future by taking a skills course or by performing exercises designed to take them out of their comfort zone and into a world of social self-assurance.

Apply our definition of social skills to yourself. How do you measure up? And how can you improve?
Investing in your social skills is your first step toward a future free of the fear of social occasions as well as equipping you with the confidence and communication tools to improve your communication - and your relationships, too.  How will you do this?