zandax online course logo
Home
 
Info, Blogs, Contact & Login
Learn
Tests

5 Reasons Why Teaching Assertiveness will Prevent People from Being Bullies

From the ZandaX Assertiveness Blog

Articles to help you be assertive and self confident

5 Reasons Why Teaching Assertiveness will Prevent People from Being Bullies
A post from our Assertiveness blog

      Written by Riley Mitchell
Assertiveness is a skill set that we often think of as lacking in the shy, quiet, types. Those who are at risk of being trampled in the boardroom meeting or criticized by their partners and friends for never making any decisions. But assertiveness can be just as absent in the senior manager—or the "one who wears the trousers" at home. And that's because their ‘confidence' and strong will can be wielded with such force that they start to undermine and bully those around them.



Once we've left the playground, bullying takes various forms. Some less obvious than others. But it can be generalized as a repeated aggressive behavior—mental or physical—which causes someone else to feel uncomfortable [1].

We're all guilty of crossing the line from time to time—when stress creeps in and we lose patience in the office, at the kitchen table, in the car—but aggression and bullying can become habitual if we don't learn to manage them.

Making an early start on assertiveness

Our behavioral traits develop early, in schools and at home. And Melbourne's Child Psychology & School Psychology Services believe that "Assertiveness is a skill that can (and should!) be taught to children… to enable them to stand up for themselves and build resilience [2]".

Childhood is where we do our boundary testing. And, yes, most of us learn pretty quickly that it's not OK to hit our siblings, but many kids battling with unfortunate home lives or low self-esteem don't know how else to channel their emotions. By the time we've grown up, we've learned our ways of being and it can be trickier to change them.

Want to Be More Assertive?

We have online courses with full 12-months' access.
RRP from $109 – limited time offer just $12



The benefits, according to the Child Psychology & School Psychology Services, of teaching young children to be assertive are:

●        It helps them to identify their feelings.

●        It teaches them to speak up for themselves and others.

●        It helps children avoid reverting to aggressive (bullying) behaviors.

●        It helps them respond to being bullied.

●        They learn to disagree respectfully.

●        They learn how to negotiate with others, diplomatically.

●        They learn how to say "no" without feeling guilty—avoiding passive behaviors.

●        They build stronger relationships.

●        It builds confidence and self-esteem from a young age.

●        Children feel more in control of situations and themselves.

So if we can get to grips with assertiveness from the outset—through training at school and at home—there shouldn't be any need to resort to bullying others when we're adults. We'll be masters of diplomatic communication.

It's unlikely that you're still of school age if you're reading this, but it's never too late to start learning assertiveness. So here's how training might help to quash those negative behaviors before they get out of hand.

1. It teaches us to listen better

The problem of aggressive, bullying, behavior is that it makes those on the receiving end feel alienated. Assertiveness roots itself in the concern that "everyone's OK". And assertive people seek to understand that everyone's OK by asking questions—then really listening to the answers. We have more on how to overcome barriers to better listening, here.

When we start to listen actively, we begin to relate to people on their level instead of glaring down at them from a place of superiority.

2. It teaches us to be "present" in our relationships

Aggression and bullying usually comes from a place of disconnection—whether that's through not knowing someone very well or losing touch with a loved one. We might be more inclined to act aggressively towards others simply because we don't care enough about them.

Assertiveness considers the feelings of others, in equality with our own, even if we're not particularly close-knit. Assertive people are able to confidently articulate their needs whilst welcoming the needs of the other person in the scenario.

3. It develops mutual respect

Nobody respects a bully. We tolerate them out of fear of what they'll do if we don't. When we communicate assertively, we communicate respectfully—in turn gaining the respect of our peers—which means we're more likely to have others' support in the future.

This perpetuates a cycle, since we quickly learn that we don't have to bulldoze others into coming round to our way of thinking.

4. It encourages calm, instead of fight or flight aggression

Assertiveness is about communicating positivity, in large part. And those with a positive disposition are less likely to feel stress—the trigger for many an aggressive outburst.

When we're able to approach situations from a place of calm, we reflect before we respond. This helps us view things objectively instead of flying off the handle at the first mention of something we don't agree with.



5. It deepens our understanding of ourselves

A natural by-product of spending time really considering the feelings and opinions of others, instead of shouting everyone down, is that we start to questions things a bit more. Other people's points of view may begin to influence our own, and we're no longer acting from a place of arrogance or self-interest, so we're more inclined to adapt our thoughts and behaviors.

Many bullies are very confused about themselves, and we really only get to grips with who we are and what we want through the continual process of change.

"Through assertiveness we develop contact with ourselves and with others. We become real human beings with real ideas, real differences…and real flaws. And we admit all of these things. We don't try to become someone else's mirror. We don't try to suppress someone else's uniqueness. We don't try to pretend that we're perfect. We become ourselves. We allow ourselves to be there."

- Randy Paterson - The Assertiveness Workbook

Not only does learning how to be assertive in day-to-day life help prevent us from—inadvertently or otherwise—bullying our beliefs into others, it helps us negotiate those situations where we feel undermined by aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior.

It teaches us to fight fire with diplomacy and, even if the other person chooses not to hear us, to project our feelings in a positive and proactive way. Most of us would probably agree, we're better off in a world of respectful communicators than one of the loudest shouters.

Want to Be More Assertive?

We have online courses with full 12-months' access.
RRP from $109 – limited time offer just $12



Sources:
[1] 5 Ways That Adults Bully Each Other
[2] Teaching Assertiveness to Elementary Students
[General ref] 5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness
[General ref] 5 Ways To Improve Your Assertive Communication Skills
More Recommended Articles
Online courses to boost your skills
Click a button to see more about each course
Personal Development
Microsoft Software
 
 
online logo
ZandaX – Change Your Life ... Today
All content © ZandaX 2021
Close menu element
See how you score on a range of skills that are critical to your well-being and performance
Communication Skill test
Communication Skills
How Can You Communicate Better?
Would you like to see what kind of communicator you are? And how you can improve the effectiveness of your communications?
Likeability test
Likeability
How Much Do People Like You?
Do you sometimes wonder just how likeable you are? And wouldn't you like to see how you can (genuinely) become more likeable?


Time Management test
Time Management
How Can You Make More Use Of Your Time?
Are you frustrated by how easily time slips away? Do you get frustrated when things don't get done just because you run out of time?
Assertiveness test
Assertiveness
Are you Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
Would you like to know where you fall on the behavior spectrum? Does your response to events sometimes surprise you?


Close menu element
Information & Resources
ZandaX information
Information
Read more about us, our Privacy Policy and our Terms of Service
See how we want to help you, and how we make everything easy for everyone
Callback request
ZandaX Blogs
Articles to increase your knowledge and understanding in key areas of your life and career.
Read our blogs on Personal Development, Business Skills and Leadership & Management


Time Management test
Log In
Log in to your online dashboard
View your courses, review what you want and download your workbooks and certificates
Assertiveness test
Contact Us
An easy online form to get in touch
With options for More Information, Customer Service and Feedback


Close menu element
Learn About:
 
Personal Development
 
Marketing
 
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Project
Microsoft Visio
 
 

[NOTE: Mouse over the titles above,
then to visit the website pages you want,
click on the links in the right hand panel]
Our courses
We have everything covered: learn all applications at all levels!   All courses are CPD certified.
Microsoft Excel courses
Microsoft Excel Introduction
Microsoft Excel Professional
Microsoft Excel Intermediate
Microsoft Excel Advanced
Microsoft Powerpoint courses
Microsoft Powerpoint Introduction
Microsoft Powerpoint Advanced
 
Microsoft Word courses
Microsoft Word Introduction
Microsoft Word Intermediate
Microsoft Word Advanced
Microsoft Powerpoint courses
Microsoft Access Introduction
Microsoft Access Intermediate
Microsoft Access Advanced
Microsoft Outlook courses
Microsoft Outlook Essentials
 
 
Microsoft Project
Enhance your project management with our two intensive but very easy-to-follow CPD certified Microsoft Project courses.
Microsoft Project courses
Microsoft Project Introduction
Get a solid foundation in Project software to create solid, resilient project plans.
You don't need prior experience with Project: just be able to use a PC with Microsoft Windows.
Microsoft Project Advanced
The Advanced course takes you to a level that will put you in complete control of your projects.
You should, of course, be fully conversant with the skills and concepts taught in the Introduction course.
Microsoft Visio
Become a Visio master with our two intensive but very easy-to-follow CPD certified Microsoft Visio courses.
Microsoft Visio courses
Microsoft Visio Introduction
Get a solid base for using Visio to create high quality, impressive diagrams.
You don't need prior experience with Visio: just be able to use a PC with Microsoft Windows.
Microsoft Visio Advanced
This course will enable you to use Visio to design graphics at the highest level.
You should, of course, be fully conversant with the skills and concepts taught in the Introduction course.
Take a look at our new Marketing section which we begin with two great books on Copywriting.
... There's lots more to follow, so stay tuned!
Copywriting books
Copywriting for Results
A two-book set that will give you all you need to write great copy every time.
Get the first book to learn the process, then the second to see how to apply it to all media types.
  • Copywriting for Results: Your Complete Guide
  • Copywriting for Results: Putting It Into Action
Watch This Space
We have more in the pipeline so be sure to check back soon to see what's new!
More marketing books
Great, easy-to-follow CPD certified courses on skills that will change your life!
Learn How to Stop Wasting Time!
Time Management course
Get more out of every day of your life ...
Boost Your Self Esteem: Be Assertive
Assertiveness course
Learn how to deal with bad behavior
Great Communications = A Happy Life!
Communication Skills course
Supercharge your communications
Improve Your Relationships
Building Relationships course
Learn how to be more likeable!
Get a Plan to Beat Your Stress
Stress Management course
Learn how to reduce & manage your stress
It's the Behavior, Not the Anger!
Anger Management course
Control anger in yourself and other people
Site Cookies
We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better.

You can change your cookie settings in your browser. Otherwise, we'll assume you're OK to continue.

I'm fine with this