Why Being More Assertive Will Help Your Anger Issues

A post from our Assertiveness blog

In life, people often seem to get it wrong, by going too far one way or the other.

If you are aggressive, you may get more done and get what you want, but it's obviously at the expense of other people, as it's a selfish attitude to have.

Whereas, if you take a more passive approach to life, you will avoid upsetting people, but in the end, people might view you as spineless, walk all-over you, and you will only end up feeling side-lined.

Balance is obviously crucial, and understanding what means can help you address that balance.



Aggressive behavior is only thinking about yourself, while passive behavior is only thinking of other people.

Assertive behavior falls somewhere in between, a happy medium that means you get exactly what you want, and people know what you want and need, and don't get upset about it.

Passive-aggressiveness is probably the worst of all though, because that kind of attitude presents itself as being passive, but you then act in a subversive manner behind the scenes, doing damage.

To help you understand the importance of assertiveness better, we are going to look briefly at some of the biggest benefits that can come from using it in your life, and how it can reduce and prevent anger problems, if you're prone to them.

Confident Communication

Becoming a more assertive person can help you communicate more effectively.

Assertive communication can benefit all areas of your life, whether it's at work, home or in other social settings.

A lot of people shy away from assertive behavior, mainly because they get assertive and aggressive behaviors mixed up. But when you are trying to address something delicate or uncomfortable, and choose to be assertive rather than aggressive or even passive, you will be better able to communicate your feelings, options and what you need from others.

The knock-on effect of that is that it will earn you your peer's respect.

But how does this affect your anger issues? Well, poor communication often causes errors, and it's those errors that may trigger an angry response. less mistakes, less triggers!

Also, if you're feeling respected, there's less chance that you'll get angry if caused by feelings of being misunderstood or undervalued.

Better Self-Esteem

Assertiveness and self-esteem go hand in hand. You've probably heard it said that aggressive people are just covering up for their own flaws.

There's also a lot of research that proves that adults and people in general that have an assertive attitude in life are more confident and feel better about themselves.

It's not about putting yourself first, as is the case with aggressive behavior, but it's more about taking your own needs on board.

And people with better self-esteem are less likely to get angry, because there are less occasions when they feel undervalued. Do you see how good communication and better self-esteem are also linked?

Better Equipped to Fight Negative Feelings and Thoughts

Our thoughts can have a huge impact on everything we say and do in life.

Negative thoughts tend to get negative results, whereas on the other side of the coin, positive thoughts breed positive results.

When you work at becoming a more assertive person, you are better able to identify and understand negative thinking and overcome it. Being assertive can remind you that you have the ability to overcome obstacles and achieve things when you really put your mind to it.

It's this ability to feel that you can overcome obstacles that helps prevent anger. One of the primary causes of anger is a prevention of obtaining something. So now, instead of feeling that you cannot attain something, you feel like you're in a situation that can be improved.

No need to get angry.

Become a Better Listener

Although it may not seem to make sense, having an assertive attitude can actually make you a better listener. When you are able to better control how you choose to listen and interpret what people are saying to you, you will have a better grasp on miscommunications when they inevitably occur.

It works on both sides of a relationship too, because if you are more assertive and better at listening, you can create an environment where you and other people feel much more satisfied and happier.

And where you're more satisfied and happy, you're less liable to getting angry.

Improves Your Ability to Set and Achieve Goals

Assertiveness enables you to successfully set goals and achieve them.

When you are passive, you may keep saying you will do this or do that, but never actually put forward the effort or put yourself out there to achieve.

However, having assertiveness means that you will take the initiative and will have a better idea of what you want and how to get it. When other people are involved, it means you will also be able to communicate and work with them to get the help you need to achieve certain goals.

Often people make the mistake of being too aggressive and although they may achieve what they want, it is often at the expense of others.

And I've actually already said it, prevention of obtaining goals is a trigger for anger. So an improved ability to  set and achieve goals will remove those triggers.

Less Depressed and Anxious

Although stress is always around us and often, can be a good thing, if you have too much, it can have a very negative impact on your life. Whereas if you are assertive in life, you will find that you have far fewer conflicts that generate and cause stress.

If you are prone to social anxiety and worry constantly about what people think and feel or worry about upsetting them, that can all change when you take a more assertive approach, rather than being passive or worse, passive-aggressive.

Assertiveness gives you the power to stop worrying about what people think or about upsetting the apple cart and letting them know exactly what you need and want from them. The more you do this, the more that fear diminishes. You will often find that the worries you had about other people's reaction, never actually transpires.

And if they don't transpire, yet again, less opportunity for anger to raise its ugly head.

Makes You More Likeable

People wrongly take on a passive attitude, in an effort to avoid going too far the other way and becoming aggressive, it doesn't always have the effect you may like.

People don't actually respond to passive people as positively as they respond to assertive people. People actually find relationships and friendships with assertive people more satisfying and harmonious. It may avoid upsetting people by taking a passive attitude, but it also makes it less clear about what you want and then that leaves people hanging. Being more assertive helps avoid that.

And the prevention of the other person being left hanging means that they're unlikely to start getting angry. So it works both ways!

As you can hopefully see, there are many reasons and great benefits from taking a more positive and assertive attitude to life and developing assertive behavior, and one of them clearly is that it prevents you from getting angry, or having others around you get angry.