Home
 
Info, Blogs, Contact & Login
Learn
Tests

How Being Assertive Can Help Your Relationship

From the ZandaX Assertiveness Blog

Articles to help you be assertive and self confident

Home  >  Blogs Home  >  Development Blog  >  Assertiveness Articles  > 
How Being Assertive Can Help Your Relationship

How Being Assertive Can Help Your Relationship

A post from our Assertiveness blog

      Written by Riley Mitchell
Oftentimes, we hear the word "assertive" in reference to our professional life. Being more assertive at work to secure a promotion or pay rise, for example. But assertive behavior is the cornerstone of every relationship, not just the ones we share with peers and management at the office.

In fact, assertiveness is the very architect of healthy personal relationships - particularly those that we share with our significant other. Here, we're going to take a look at what defines assertive behavior and how employing it in day-to-day interactions with our loved ones can improve almost every aspect of our most important relationships.



First, let's think back to those blissful early days of dating. Many of us would bend over backwards to please our partners - even if our actions didn't necessarily agree with our own opinions or beliefs. This is the start of typically passive behavior, and it's common. When we don't really know a person well, we might not feel that we have "the right" to contradict them. Or we may just want to show willing, to charm them. After several months, perhaps we sort of resign ourselves to forsaking our own happiness so that we can promote theirs. That's what partners do for each other, right?

Actually, what we're doing here is unwittingly setting ourselves up for a fall, as these passive behaviors become ingrained. Because bad habits learned at the beginning of a partnership tend to stick, the sooner we can turn them around, the better. Also, think of it a bit like false advertising; how is our partner supposed to feel if we've been agreeing with them on everything for years and then they discover - often through our simmering resentment - that this isn't how we feel at all?!

Worry not, though. No matter what stage you've reached in your relationship, it's never too late to bolster your skills in assertiveness so that you can achieve greater happiness in your bond.

Want to Be More Assertive?

We have online courses with full 12-months' access.
RRP from $119 – limited time offer just $12



What are the key components of assertive behavior?

We discuss assertiveness at length in a separate article, but to nutshell it, you can recognize assertive types in the following ways:

●        They express confidence and healthy self-esteem: Assertives understand their likes and dislikes, and they set themselves personal boundaries which they feel comfortable expressing. When assertive types communicate, they do so clearly and directly whilst taking care not to overshadow others who wish to put their point across.

●        They demonstrate a respect for the opinions of others: However confident an assertive person is about their beliefs, they don't feel it necessary to undermine the feelings of others. In fact, they'll often seek opinion from those they engage and validate them with positive reinforcement.

●        They are excellent listeners: When assertive types listen, they really listen - taking care to repeat key points and respond, with relevance, to what has been said.

●        They place as much value on others as they do themselves: What assertives want more than anything is to ensure that everyone is happy with a proposed situation. Even if that means that the outcome isn't what they hoped for - an assertive person will seek to ensure that disputes are resolved respectfully, and this reaffirms mutual respect.

How can assertiveness lead to a better relationship

You'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't want to be a bit more like the above described. Because assertiveness not only improves the way we feel about ourselves, it makes us look pretty great in the eyes of others. It improves relationships across the board, but none more so than our connection with our partner. Here's how:

We're able to be honest about our feelings

Through assertiveness, we're able to move from a passive state of being and allow ourselves the basic right to decide what we want. We're also then equipped with the skills of assertive communication; to express our views with confidence and with respect for the feelings of our partner. This healthy self-image (more on that, here), along with a compassionate understanding of our partner's needs, are not only an attractive quality but a fundamental need, if we want to grow in our relationships.

We become better listeners

Assertive skills allow us to really tune into what our partners are saying to us. Think - and perhaps many of us have found ourselves here at one time or another - how we would feel if we thought that what we were saying didn't matter. Worse still, if our partner didn't even seem as though they were listening? Through developing our listening skills, we make every effort to show our partner that their opinions, even the most trivial day-to-day happenings in their lives, matter to us.

We're less likely to take our partner for granted

This can be a very large bone of contention in relationships, and it's something that most of us are guilty of doing at one time or another. Developing our skills in assertiveness puts us in the frame of mind of our partner and, in doing so, renders us less selfish. In the classic assertive way, we are primarily concerned that "everyone is happy".

We're able to acknowledge and repair mistakes

Pig-headedness can be a real stumbling block in our closest personal relationships. It's a trait that's associated with aggressive personalities and all it serves to do is show our partner that we don't value their feelings - or we place our own interests before theirs. Through adopting assertive qualities we're able to take a measured view of conflicts. Whether we think we're in the wrong or not, simply acknowledging that our partner feels we've done them wrong is a real bridge-builder.



We share the load

This links back nicely to not taking our loved one for granted. Once we've established a deep connection, we understand the ramifications of placing too much strain on our partner and we're far less likely to just "dump" and expect them to deal with things. Through assertive talking and listening, we recognize when our partner has a lot on their plate. Or they just come right out and tell us, because we've created an environment in which it's encouraged to discuss things.

It develops mutual respect

Through the confident expression of one's own needs and positive actions such as careful - active - listening, and validation of the feelings of our loved ones, we show a genuine level of care and compassion. We're saying to our partner; "I feel this way, but I understand why you feel the way that you do too. Let's work through things together."

All good relationships are built on a strong foundation of mutual respect. And assertiveness teaches us exactly that - how to be present in a relationship, receptive to the feelings of our partner, able to admit our own shortcomings and, ultimately, how to act as a unified partnership.

Want to Be More Assertive?

We have online courses with full 12-months' access.
RRP from $119 – limited time offer just $12



Sources:

[general ref] https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-tips-to-increase-your-assertiveness/

[general ref] https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/relationship-assertiveness.html

[general ref] https://clintonpower.com.au/2011/05/10-steps-for-mastering-assertiveness-in-your-relationships/

[general ref] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/being-assertive-can-improve-your-relationships-gareth/

Back to the Assertiveness blog

Click the button for more Assertiveness articles.

The ZandaX Personal Development blog

Click a panel for great articles on personal development

ZandaX Blog Contents

Want to see them all? Click to view a full list of articles in our blogs.

Online courses to boost your skills
Click a button to see more about each course
Personal Development
Microsoft Software
 
 
ZandaX online training course logo
ZandaX – Change Your Life ... Today
All content © ZandaX 2021
Close menu element
See how you score on a range of skills that are critical to your well-being and performance
Communication Skill test
Communication Skills
How Can You Communicate Better?
Would you like to see what kind of communicator you are? And how you can improve the effectiveness of your communications?
Likeability test
Likeability
How Much Do People Like You?
Do you sometimes wonder just how likeable you are? And wouldn't you like to see how you can (genuinely) become more likeable?


Time Management test
Time Management
How Can You Make More Use Of Your Time?
Are you frustrated by how easily time slips away? Do you get frustrated when things don't get done just because you run out of time?
Assertiveness test
Assertiveness
Are you Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
Would you like to know where you fall on the behavior spectrum? Does your response to events sometimes surprise you?


Close menu element
Information & Resources
ZandaX information
Information
Read more about us, our Privacy Policy and our Terms of Service
See how we want to help you, and how we make everything easy for everyone
Callback request
ZandaX Blogs
Articles to increase your knowledge and understanding in key areas of your life and career.
Read our blogs on Personal Development, Business Skills and Leadership & Management


Time Management test
Log In
Log in to your online dashboard
View your courses, review what you want and download your workbooks and certificates
Assertiveness test
Contact Us
An easy online form to get in touch
With options for More Information, Customer Service and Feedback


Close menu element
Learn About:
 
Personal Development
 
Leadership & Management
 
Marketing
 
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Project
Microsoft Visio
 

[NOTE: Mouse over the titles above,
then to visit the website pages you want,
click on the links in the right hand panel]
Our courses
We have everything covered: learn all applications at all levels!   All courses are CPD certified.
Microsoft Excel courses
Microsoft Excel Introduction
Microsoft Excel Professional
Microsoft Excel Intermediate
Microsoft Excel Advanced
Microsoft Powerpoint courses
Microsoft Powerpoint Introduction
Microsoft Powerpoint Advanced
 
Microsoft Word courses
Microsoft Word Introduction
Microsoft Word Intermediate
Microsoft Word Advanced
Microsoft Powerpoint courses
Microsoft Access Introduction
Microsoft Access Intermediate
Microsoft Access Advanced
Microsoft Outlook courses
Microsoft Outlook Essentials
 
 
Microsoft Project
Enhance your project management with our two intensive but very easy-to-follow CPD certified Microsoft Project courses.
Microsoft Project courses
Microsoft Project Introduction
Get a solid foundation in Project software to create solid, resilient project plans.
You don't need prior experience with Project: just be able to use a PC with Microsoft Windows.
Microsoft Project Advanced
The Advanced course takes you to a level that will put you in complete control of your projects.
You should, of course, be fully conversant with the skills and concepts taught in the Introduction course.
Microsoft Visio
Become a Visio master with our two intensive but very easy-to-follow CPD certified Microsoft Visio courses.
Microsoft Visio courses
Microsoft Visio Introduction
Get a solid base for using Visio to create high quality, impressive diagrams.
You don't need prior experience with Visio: just be able to use a PC with Microsoft Windows.
Microsoft Visio Advanced
This course will enable you to use Visio to design graphics at the highest level.
You should, of course, be fully conversant with the skills and concepts taught in the Introduction course.
Take a look at our new Marketing section which we begin with two great books on Copywriting
... there will be more to follow, so stay tuned!
Copywriting books
Copywriting for Results
A two-book set that will give you all you need to write great copy every time.
Get the first book to learn the process, then the second to see how to apply it to all media types.
  • Copywriting for Results: Your Complete Guide
  • Copywriting for Results: Putting It Into Action
Watch This Space
We have more in the pipeline so be sure to check back soon to see what's new!
More marketing books
Take a look at our new Leadership & Management section which we begin with a superb course on Managing Teams
... there's lots more to follow, so keep in touch!
Team Leadership courses
Team Leadership & Line Management
For practical advice on managing teams for results.
Make your team successful and more positive with tons of real-world techniques that work.
  • Team Management for Line Managers & Supervisors
  • Building High Performing Teams (in production)
Watch Out For More!
We have more courses in the pipeline so check back soon to see what's new!
More team leader courses
Great, easy-to-follow CPD certified courses on skills that will change your life!
Learn How to Stop Wasting Time!
Time Management course
Get more out of every day of your life ...
Boost Your Self Esteem: Be Assertive
Assertiveness course
Learn how to deal with bad behavior
Great Communications = A Happy Life!
Communication Skills course
Supercharge your communications
Improve Your Relationships
Building Relationships course
Learn how to be more likeable!
Get a Plan to Beat Your Stress
Stress Management course
Learn how to reduce & manage your stress
It's the Behavior, Not the Anger!
Anger Management course
Control anger in yourself and other people
Site Cookies
We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better.

You can change your cookie settings in your browser. Otherwise, we'll assume you're OK to continue.

I'm fine with this